There is one day even at this age my parents are planning to go to for a camp with other 4x4 members. My brother came back to hometown the other day and he even know about the planning. While me, I don’t have any clue that we will be going to the camp. I only find out in the morning when they are about to go. Everyone though that I already know but they never communicate with me about that plan. I was so sad (and angry) at that time. I know, I shouldn’t be angry, let alone to my parents, but my heart won’t lie. I was so sad that I am not involved in the family’s decision. I am so sad that I am the last person to know. I know, I should be more mature, I should not take this thing seriously, but maybe the nature as the youngest child, I am rebellious. I may be silence but deep in my heart, I feel like everyone hate me. No one ever love me, no one ever care for me.
So, back to the story that I don’t like to be the last person to know something. Maybe they think that they don’t want to burden me, but please, once you eliminate me in your life, it will leave a large scar in my heart. I am easily get hurt. I don’t know. I can’t help. I don’t want to be this way either. I just want to be like a normal human being who are cool about everything but I just can help to feel this way.
So, the next time I know I am the last person to know, nothing I can feel anymore. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate people. I just hate the situation and I just hate this feeling and I just hate myself, because I can’t do anything except to feel hurt over a small matter.
This is still an annoying random rants, but I can’t help myself. I don’t have anyone to ventilate this.
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