Lesson

I told a friend of mine that I know I can’t depend on people for my happiness. Because I know if we put hope on other people we might be hurt because it may be just temporary, nothing last. Nothing is certain.

But my friend’s replies made me so touched, here is what I quote her message

Tbh, bila orang kata dont depend your happiness dekat others kita tak agree, because what if thats the only thing way kita look up to every morning and that’s the only way to fight for another? Yes, there’s a bit of consequence to that. Bila someone pergi, it feels like some part of you pun pergi or you feel worthless. So, I learned the next time, do not hope for anything bcs things are just uncertain and do the best what I can.

The part of what if depending your happiness on someone is the only things that we look up really smashed me hard. Sebelum ni, aku rasa yang happiness memang kena letak pada diri sendiri, sebab at the end kita yang memaknakan kebahagiaan tu. Aku cuba, bukan aku tak cuba. I usually do online shopping as a reward for myself. Although I know it is kind of waste, but that’s the only thing that makes me happy, and I looked up for that every month when I get my paycheck. I know I should have been saved some money. I do. But some of it I use for self reward. But still, that action of yourself to bring the happiness by your own, is not enough.

I am still looking forward for someone significant that I can share my happiness and sadness. Yes, sometimes, I do share with my family about my achievement etc but you know, being me, someone a random and nonsense things that I want t share is not relevant to be shared to my family members. The goofy side of me, the playfulness side of me. And that is killing me, not having someone that I can randomly share my stories.

Thanks my dear friend for spending some time to read and my random rants. I told her because I feel helpless, not having someone that can relate with my feeling. Although we are not in the same shoes, our difficulties might be in different angle, but I am very thankful that she can relate with my feeling. Knowing that someone you can rely on and be your safe space without hurting you and your emotion, is truly a blessing.

I learnt my lesson that I have put my reliant on the wrong person and that is just killing me. But my friend said, not waste your time on someone who did not think of your worth. That really take me back up.

I learnt my lesson, hardly.