Anugerah

Sebenarnya sangat banyak untuk di list satu2 refleksi disebalik semua ini. Dilema antara 'kau-buat-ni-semua-sebab-anugerah-ke' atau 'ok-alang2-kita-harumkan-nama-persatuan-secara-kolektif' 

Sungguhlah pada umur begini, nak terima anugerah begini pun dah segan. Fasa aku pun mungkin dah jauh beza utk rasa physical awards sebegini adalah segalanya utk justify sesuatu usaha. 

Bukan tak bersyukur. Tidak. 

Anugerah pelajar pemimpin.

Anugerah ini untuk semua. Sungguh, bukan hak mutlak aku individu utk claim 'ini-usaha-aku' . Tak layak utk aku berbangga-bangga.

Berdirinya seorang pemimpin tu, kau tahu kan, ada orang-orangnya di belakang yang menjadi tulang belakang. 

Di saat nama dijulang tinggi, kau tau kan, ada usaha kolektif yang tak putus-putus menampung dari sisi lain. 

Di saat keberhasilan dan kejayaan sesuatu program, ada peluh keringat yang ter-rembes dan masa yang kau pinjam dari orang lain.

Untuk claim ini adalah hak aku, sangat tak adil. Apatah lagi, di saat umur begini, nak terima anugerah sebegini pun dah segan. 

Ini; milik kalian. Kapal, takkan dapat berlayar kalau kru-nya tak seteguh kalian. Kan? Terima kasih atas tunjuk ajar :)

Post; an advice that change my life

I had a conversation with my lecturer today and suddenly come out with the topic about posting achievement in social media. Well, it is more reflecting on myself actually. How previously in the recent year, I rarely posted about my achievement or any news related what I am up to now. I just do my part and only people nearby me know what I am doing. It comes to a point which I realize that I have been restricting myself from updating any news because I have the feeling of underachieve rather than to be proud of what I have achieved. Well, it is complicated to be honest. At least for me.

But I understood, sometimes when we are doing something especially relating to passion, achievement etc, it is a plus point when you show and tell in social media. The social media can be like your online portfolio (especially when someone google your name haha), or even crediting some effort of appreciating the person behind the achievement.

It is good actually. Apart from increasing your credibility, you may have like an online journal to keep track on your progress. I don't say it is wrong. In fact, I feel inspired and motivated of that feeling of self-accomplishment.

However, it may not true to me. Being in a situation when you are in dilemma of posting or not posting anything because of some personal issue, you sometimes stuck in your own mind. I am thinking that I am doing just fine, doing what I am good at without expecting some recognition from other people. 

But, I was wrong. The world isn't revolve around me. Maybe it is good sometimes if I post something (achievement, memories etc) and crediting people behind the success or event. It may give meaningful memories for them. A sense of being appreciated by some other people. But, I stuck again with my own thoughts. That feel of underachieving is something that haunted me for so long.

But then again, my lecturer said, you can't continuously downgrade yourselves. If it is not you to appreciate yourself, then who else. After all, your post might inspire other people. Who knows. 

I know. It must be difficult for me. I try to understand people. But it is hard. Even until now, I still trying to understand myself.