Conversation

“What do you think you want to achieve now?” Soalan random yang masih berbaki dilontar lepas makan kat Secret Recipe. Waktu tu SR buat promo tak silap. Kebetulan aku free waktu tu dan semua orang cuti. Lari kejap dari kerja. Sajalah aku offer makan sekali dengan kawan aku yang sorang tu. Aku pun dah lama bosan cuti tak bersembang cuti-cuti ni. 

Waktu tu aku pusing stereng ke kanan selepas dah pastikan memang takde kereta di hadapan.

“I think, I am more like fulfilling my needs first. Well, you know like the Maslow’s hierarchy of human needs. Yada2. I think I am in the phase of the fulfilling my emotion, basic needs, psychological etc,” teman bual yang duduk sebelah kerusi driver lontarkan pandangan.

Kereta dan masuk ke kawasan pintu pagar UPSI. Lepas jalam terus, terus aku pusing stereng ke kiri belok sebab tu jalan sehala. 

“Well, I also think that I am still in the phase of adolescent based on Psychosocial phase. The adolescent part. Role identity and confusion. I am still thinking about my identity and I don’t know whether I am confused either. But yeah, as for me, I am still wondering about myself.” Panjang lebar kawan yang sebelah ni menerangkan apa matlamat yang dia fikir sekarang untuk diri dia. Aku sekadar mengangguk. Memberi ruang untuk sambung bicara.

“Well, how about yours?” Kali ni dia pulak memberi soalan yang sama. Waktu tu jarak perjalanan masih berbaki dalam 2 3 minit sebelum sampai ke tempat yang dituju.

“Me? Well, as for me, I think I am in the phase of…,” waktu tu aku berhenti kejap. Cuba menyusun ayat yang dirangka dalam kepala. Idea tu dah ada. Cuma nak luahkan dalam bentuk perkataan tu rasa payah sangat.

"I think I am in the phase of hmm thinking about contributing something to the younger generation like making them to be empowered by knowledge etc. Maybe about to build a better nation kot. Entah. Sometimes I feel that I am too ambitious about this." Aku menarik nafas kejap. Cuba nak susun ayat yang selepasnya.

Kawan yang kat sebelah angguk-angguk. "I think if want to refer the Erik Erikson theory, maybe you are in the phase of adult already like very high from mine. The Generativity and Stagnation. Eh wait, that is even higher already from after adolescent," kawan yang kat sebelah tu memberi pendapat.

Waktu tu aku tak tahu nak tergelak ke nak bangga tapi betul jugak apa yang kawan aku cakap. Aku dah macam tak fikir sangat pasal stage Erikson's Young Adult tu. Intimacy and Isolation. Mungkin jugak sebenarnya sebab usia aku yang dah jauh lebih dewasa kot sebab tu aku fikir macam tu.

" Hmm. Maybe la. At certain part. Maybe last time sometimes the  thought of marriage and having someone as partner has come to my mind. But I am also surprised that currently I am not thinking about relationship or whatsoever. It is not that I don't want to get married or whatnot but it just that my focus now is more on other thing and if that (marriage issue) appear, then maybe I know the time has come (for me to get married). For the time being, I am focusing more on my career future etc." Panjang pulak bebelan aku.

"Hmm yeah maybe you have achieve the higher stage young adult but for me I am still thinking about fulfilling my basic needs." Mungkin sebab usia aku jugak kot. Nak rujuk 100% teori Erikson tu mungkin ada yang betul ade yang tak. Ye lah, fasa dan timeline orang kan berbeza. Susah jugak kalau semua nak pukul rata.

Kereta waktu tu dah nak berhenti kat simpang.

"Eh, I drop you here lah eh." Aku berhentikan kereta kat simpang sebelum pintu keluar. Nasib la tak banyak kereta. Memang ikut suka hati je lah nak berhenti kat tepi ni. Heh.

"Ya, sure sure. Here should be fine." Kawan aku yang mengajak teman makan kat Secret Recipe dah keluar menapak dari kereta nak ke bus stop. Nak tunggu bas ke Bahtera dan kejap lagi nak kemas-kemas balik ke rumah dia.

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That insightful thoughts really enlighten my day. Still, I am blessed to meet a few friends that can talk about deep stuff like this. At least at their age.